Why Planning a Threesome Can Help Your Relationship
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From a Sex Therapist’s Perspective
Let’s just say it: planning a threesome sounds sexy. But it can also be… intimidating. What if someone gets jealous? What if it’s awkward? What if one person is way more into it than the other?
As a sex therapist, I’ve heard all the questions. And here’s the surprising truth: when it’s done intentionally, planning a threesome (yes, even if it never happens!) can actually strengthen your relationship. Why? Because it opens the door to something so many couples struggle with—talking honestly about sex.
Here’s how:
1. It Kickstarts Real Conversations About Desire
We all carry fantasies, curiosities, and “what ifs.” But most of us don’t share them, either out of fear of judgment or because we don’t know how to bring them up. Planning a threesome gives you and your partner a reason to start talking.
What turns you on about the idea?
Would you want someone masculine? Feminine? Nonbinary?
Are you more into watching or being watched?
These conversations aren’t just about the threesome. They’re about discovering what excites you both. That kind of vulnerability can be incredibly bonding.
2. It Builds Communication Muscles
The logistics of a threesome require some serious communication.
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You’ll be setting boundaries
Talking about safer sex practices
Navigating potential insecurities
And checking in before, during, and after
If you and your partner can communicate through all that, you're leveling up your relationship skills. And those skills will carry over into every part of your life together, in and out of the bedroom.
3. It Normalizes Talking About Needs (Without Shame)
So many of us grow up thinking that wanting more... more pleasure, more variety, more connection is wrong or selfish. But guess what? Having needs and desires is human.
Even just considering a threesome creates space to say, “Hey, I want something a little different,” without that being a threat to the relationship. You’re allowed to explore. And your partner is allowed to have boundaries. Both things can coexist.
4. It Can Be a Playground for Trust
Trust isn’t just about “not cheating.” It’s about being honest, showing up for each other, and creating a space where you can both say, “This is who I am, and I trust you’ll still love me.”
Planning a threesome is a real-time trust fall. You’re navigating feelings of excitement, insecurity, curiosity, and vulnerability together. That can be incredibly bonding if you’re open to growing through it.
5. It Might Never Happen and That’s Totally Okay
You don’t have to actually go through with it to get the benefits. Sometimes just talking about it is enough to unlock new sexual energy, deepen emotional intimacy, or help you learn something new about your partner (and yourself).
Honestly, that’s the magic. It’s not about the act itself. It’s about what you learn along the way.
Final Thoughts
So, should every couple plan a threesome? Not necessarily. But if the idea sparks curiosity or conversation, lean into that. With open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to explore, even the idea of a threesome can bring you closer.
And if you’re not sure where to start? A sex therapist (hi, hello 👋) can help you navigate those conversations in a way that’s supportive and judgment-free.
Sexual connection doesn’t have to be a mystery, and it’s okay if it takes a little planning.
Want to keep exploring your sexual connection as a couple? Drop your questions below or reach out—this is the kind of stuff I love helping people with.