At Valid Love, we talk a lot about pleasure, desire, and what it means to feel at home in your body. So it probably will not surprise you to learn that yes, I read smutty books.

As a sex therapist, I am often asked if that feels awkward, unprofessional, or contradictory to my work. The answer is no. In many ways, it is aligned with it.

Romance novels and sexually charged stories are often dismissed as silly, indulgent, or embarrassing. But from a sex therapy and mental health perspective, reading smut can be regulating, empowering, and deeply validating. It can also be a meaningful way to explore desire without pressure, performance, or shame.

Let’s talk about why.

Smut, Shame, and Sexual Wellness

The word “smut” carries a lot of baggage. It is often used to imply something dirty or unserious. That stigma reflects how many of us were taught to think about sex and pleasure in general.

In sex therapy, we see the impact of sexual shame every day. People struggle with desire, arousal, communication, and intimacy not because something is wrong with them, but because they were never given permission to be curious about pleasure.

Reading romance or erotically themed books can be one way to gently push back against that shame. Enjoying stories that include sex does not make someone immature, broken, or hypersexual. It makes them human.

Pleasure is a legitimate part of mental health and sexual wellness.

Reading Smut Engages the Brain and the Body

Unlike visual sexual content, reading activates imagination. You are not being shown exactly what to want or how to respond. You get to co create the experience.

From a sex therapy perspective, this matters. Desire often lives in the mind before it shows up in the body. Reading allows space for fantasy, pacing, and emotional safety. You can pause, skim, reread, or stop entirely.

For many people especially those with anxiety, trauma histories, or low desire this kind of control feels safer and more accessible. Smut can be arousing, but it can also be grounding.

Smut and Sexual Agency

Many smutty books center desire, choice, and agency. Characters want things. They negotiate. They change their minds. They learn about themselves.

That is powerful.

In sex therapy, we often work with people who were never encouraged to ask themselves what they want sexually or relationally. Reading stories where desire is allowed and explored can help normalize curiosity.

Fantasy does not equal behavior. Enjoying something in a book does not mean you want it in real life. But it can offer information about what feels exciting, comforting, or intriguing to you.

At Valid Love, we view fantasy as data, not something to judge or suppress.

Smut as Nervous System Regulation

This surprises people, but reading smut can be regulating for the nervous system.

Pleasure releases dopamine. Emotional connection releases oxytocin. A story with tension and resolution gives the brain a predictable arc, which can be soothing during times of stress.

Many people use romance novels the same way they use comfort shows, meditation, or journaling. It is a way to unwind, escape, and feel something good in a contained, safe way.

That is not avoidance. That is self regulation.

Representation and Feeling Seen

One reason smut has become so popular is representation. Many modern romance novels center queer relationships, non-monogamy, disability, neurodivergence, and bodies that are often left out of mainstream sexual narratives.

For queer and marginalized folks especially, seeing desire reflected without shame or tragedy can be healing. Growing up without representation often means internalizing the belief that your desire is wrong or invisible.

Reading stories where people like you are wanted can be affirming and reparative.

This is something we see often in sex therapy.

Smut, Porn, and Personal Preference

This is not an anti porn stance. Different people connect with different forms of erotic content. But reading smut and watching porn engage the brain differently.

Smut tends to be more relational, emotional, and context driven. It allows for internal experience, consent, communication, and buildup. That is why some people who feel disconnected from porn still find reading deeply arousing or meaningful.

In sex therapy, we often encourage curiosity rather than judgment when it comes to erotic input. There is no one right way to experience desire.

Why This Matters in Sex Therapy

As a sex therapist at Valid Love, I read smut not just because it is enjoyable, but because it reflects how desire actually works. Desire is emotional, cognitive, relational, and influenced by story.

Understanding fantasy, imagination, and narrative arousal helps us better support clients navigating low desire, mismatched libidos, sexual shame, or intimacy struggles.

It also helps us remember that pleasure is not optional or frivolous. It is part of being alive.

You Do Not Need to Justify Pleasure

You do not need a reason to enjoy smut.

You are allowed to read it because it is comforting, exciting, or helps you feel connected to yourself. You are allowed to enjoy pleasure without earning it through healing or productivity.

At Valid Love, we believe desire deserves curiosity, not shame.

So yes, I read smutty books. As a sex therapist. As a human. And as someone who believes pleasure belongs in conversations about mental health, relationships, and healing.

And if you do too, you are not alone.

And I am always looking for recommendations.

Why I Read Smutty Books (A Sex Therapist at Valid Love Explains)