The Light Beyond Fire and Brimstone: Reclaiming Spirituality After Religious Rejection: Reflections for LGBTQ+ Individuals

By Jesse Couch, PhD, LP, HSP-P

Last Tuesday I was driving home when in the corner of my eye, a familiar messenger appeared: a faded reader board in front of a local church that read, "All are welcome."

At first glance, I reflected on how comforting this message sounds, and I even repeated it a few times to myself as I waited for the light to change. Then, an all-too-familiar follow-up question settled into my passenger seat:

"I wonder, would everyone who has visited this church agree?"

This experience, while normal and benign, may be a common one for many folks, particularly for LGBTQ+ individuals who have experienced rejection in previous religious or spiritual contexts. Losing connection to the church, for many, is more than just not returning to that brick building and fellowship hall; it is the loss of a community of family, friends, teachers, leaders, and neighbors.

The road from this point is often winding and uncertain, bringing emotions that can feel difficult to navigate alone.

Too often, the loudest and most powerful voices in our society tell us that it is not possible to be queer and spiritual, leading many to feel the need to choose.

Yet many LGBTQ+ people continue to cultivate meaningful spiritual lives, finding ways to honor both their identities and their values without abandoning either.

Some of us may even give up on the hope that we can "be both" in a culture that pits queerness and spirituality against each other. In any case, what one chooses next in their path is valid, as it is their right.

For some LGBTQ+ individuals, exclusion from faith communities can result in experiences that resemble religious trauma, including shame, grief, identity confusion, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting spiritual spaces. Healing does not require returning to the beliefs or communities that caused harm.

But for some of us, many people continue to wrestle with questions such as:

• What does this mean now about who I am?

• What does this mean about my relationship with God, and have my beliefs changed?

• Where do I go from here?

Perhaps you've stopped attending services but still find yourself engaging in spiritual practices or wishing you did. Perhaps you miss the sense of belonging but not the judgment. Perhaps you're unsure whether the word "spiritual" still fits. These questions are more common than many people realize.

Dr. Lisa J. Miller, clinical psychologist and published author of over 200 peer-reviewed articles, emphasizes the role of spirituality in improving symptoms of depression and other mental health concerns. Dr. Miller asserts that every human has an innate capacity to cultivate spiritual connection, regardless of religious affiliation.

In her book, The Awakened Brain, Dr. Miller identifies several evidence-based interventions that can enhance overall well-being and resilience, including meditation, spending time in nature, and community connection.

I appreciate Dr. Miller's inspiring work and her advocacy for a broader understanding of spirituality that transcends historical religious dogma. Her framework can be a guide for anyone whose journey involves integrating aspects of themselves they feel have been forced into separate, binary categories.

Contrary to popular belief, reclaiming one's spiritual path after rupture does not require dramatic breakthrough moments, profound encounters, or extending forgiveness before one feels ready.

While every spiritual journey is unique, healing often begins with small, intentional practices that help us reconnect with ourselves and others. Here are three accessible ways to nurture spiritual growth and resilience.

Three Practices for Spiritual Growth

1. Set a Daily Intention

Before starting your day, write down one intention, no matter how small. In fact, the goal is to set an intention we can realistically achieve so we can begin to build a sense of alignment between our values and actions.

Maybe your daily intention is to drink more water, practice setting boundaries, or approach challenges one step at a time.

The purpose of a daily intention is to provide a guiding mindset for your day. Over time, you may be surprised by the collection of intentions you've created and the patterns within yourself that begin to emerge.

2. Spend Time in Nature

If accessible to you, spending time outdoors can be a powerful way to reconnect with yourself.Whether through a short walk, sitting in a park, tending a plant, spending time near a window, or simply observing the natural world around you, opportunities for connection can be found in many forms. Tune into where your feet are and what is around you. You may begin to notice the diversity, stillness, and ever-changing nature of the living world that surrounds you. As you notice with intention, you may begin to see reminders that diversity exists everywhere—in nature, in our communities, and within ourselves.

We are not just visiting a beautiful scene; we are part of it.

3. Engage with Supportive Community

In my own clinical work and research with LGBTQ+ individuals reclaiming their spiritual path, one common thread undoubtedly connects their unique stories: community connection and engagement.

To clarify, it is not necessary for the community or space to be spiritual or religious in nature.

Perhaps you've always wanted to join a book club, learn a new skill, or find others who love arts and crafts as much as you do.

Whatever this looks like for you, finding others to share activities and time with can make a meaningful difference.

As you begin to navigate what your spiritual journey looks like ahead, having others you feel safe with and supported by is vital to healing and growth.

When we engage with supportive communities, we begin to make space for the possibility that we can be truly accepted without hiding parts of ourselves.

We begin challenging previous notions of black-and-white thinking around what it means to be queer and spiritual, and the fog on the winding road begins to clear.

The miles ahead will likely hold new adventures. While the journey may feel lonely at times, supportive people and affirming spaces do exist, and connection is possible.

Final Thoughts

No matter what your path has looked like or the pain you may carry, there is hope that you can reconnect with what matters most to you.

Hope remains that you can embrace the uniqueness of your own body, mind, and soul while feeling connected to something larger than yourself.

Whether you think of this larger part as God, the Universe, nature, community, or something else entirely, you hold the inherent ability to heal and connect when genuine love and support are part of the journey. I look forward to hearing how daily intentions, being with nature, and finding community may bring solace to your life. 

No matter where your road leads next, you deserve spaces where every part of who you are is welcome.

Wherever you are on your journey, you do not have to navigate these questions alone. Whether you are exploring spirituality after religious harm, working through identity-related challenges, or seeking a greater sense of connection and meaning, support from a trained professional can make a meaningful difference.

The team at Valid Love Therapy Collective offers compassionate, LGBTQ+ affirming, and trauma-informed care tailored to your unique experiences and goals. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing and self-discovery, we invite you to reach out through our contact page: https://www.validlove.com/contact.

This blog post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional healthcare. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, reach out to a licensed healthcare provider or contact emergency services.