A Letter from Your Therapist: To My Past, Present, and Future Trans Clients
Dear Trans Clients: past, present, and future,
This is a letter I’ve long held in my heart, and now I want to speak it aloud. I want to put words to my care, my commitment, and my responsibility as your therapist and as a fellow human being.
I want to begin by saying: I see you. I see your resilience, your authenticity, your grief, your joy, your complexity. I see what the world tries to erase or distort, and I honor the truth of who you are. Whether you are out, questioning, closeted, transitioning, de-transitioning, or just trying to get through the day, you are worthy of care, safety, and love.
As a cisgender person, I recognize that I move through the world with privileges I did not earn. My identity has never been questioned at a DMV counter, in a doctor’s office, or in a therapy room. I have never feared for my safety when walking into a public bathroom. No one has legislated my existence, debated my humanity, or told me my identity was too complex to be real.
You, however, have had to navigate a world that can be cruel, violent, indifferent, or even hostile. Sometimes all of those things at once. And still, you show up. You survive. You build communities, raise your voices, and carve out joy in places others never thought to look. That strength does not go unnoticed.
I know that the mental health system has too often failed you. Sometimes it has harmed you outright. Therapists have pathologized your identity, demanded you prove yourself, or used your most vulnerable moments as opportunities to assert control. That is unacceptable. If I have ever, through my words, my silence, my assumptions, or my ignorance contributed to that harm, I am deeply sorry.
Please know this: I am not here to gate-keep your identity. I am not here to “play devil’s advocate” when your rights are under attack. I am not neutral about your existence. I am on your side.
Therapy should be a place where you can breathe. Where you do not have to educate your provider just to be understood. And while I will never pretend to know what it is like to live in your skin, I promise to keep learning. Not at your expense, but through my own ongoing work. I will participate in regular consultation with trans-affirming clinical supervisors. I will attend continuing education trainings led by trans and nonbinary educators. I read books, listen to podcasts, and follow research authored by trans voices. I set professional goals that center trans experiences and actively reflect on how to integrate what I learn into our sessions.
I also strive to make sure my practice reflects my values. I offer gender-affirming documentation, use inclusive language, and ensure that my intake paperwork, website, and email communication are respectful and affirming from the first contact. I keep a list of trusted trans-affirming providers for referrals and collaborate with other clinicians to create safer spaces across our community.
And I will not stop at the therapy room. I advocate for policies and practices that protect trans lives. I support local and national organizations that serve trans communities through donations and volunteer hours. I speak up when I hear transphobia, whether in professional settings or everyday conversations. I contact legislators when anti-trans legislation is proposed. I vote with your safety and dignity in mind. I use my role and my voice to challenge the systems that threaten your right to exist.
Beyond therapy, I strive to be an active ally in daily life. I interrupt transphobic comments. I educate my peers and community members when I witness harm or misinformation. I am committed to ongoing reflection and accountability.
To my past clients: Thank you for trusting me, even when you had every reason not to. Your courage shaped the therapist I strive to be. You helped me see the cracks in a system that claims to offer care but too often forgets compassion.
To my present clients: I am with you. I will hold space for all that you carry. Not as someone who can fix what is broken, but as someone who believes you deserve more than survival. You deserve to thrive.
To my future clients: Whoever you are and wherever you are on your journey, I want you to know you are not a burden. You do not need to be easy or palatable to be worthy of support. You do not need to educate me, but if you ever choose to share your story with me, I will treat it with reverence.
I will continue to do the work so that my office, whether physical or virtual, is a place where you are affirmed, respected, and safe. A place where you do not have to shrink or translate yourself to be understood. A place where you can list your true name and pronouns without correction. A place where your full self is welcomed.
At Valid Love, we hold these commitments collectively. Our practice is built on the belief that every person deserves affirming, competent, and compassionate care. We actively seek out clinicians who share this vision and invest in ongoing education around gender diversity and trans justice. We are committed to creating a practice culture that celebrates all identities, examines our own biases, and holds space for complexity. We review our policies, forms, and marketing materials regularly to ensure they reflect our values. We collaborate with community organizations, support mutual aid efforts, and work together to build a practice that is not just safe, but actively affirming.
Your life matters. Your happiness matters. Your anger, your grief, your joy, your fluidity, your fire. All of it matters.
Rebecca
Cisgender Ally, Always Learning, Always Listening