Why do I feel depressed when it is dark? How Seasonal Depression Shows Up and How You Can Support Yourself

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash‍

By Rebecca Deardorff, LCSW

Every year, as the days get shorter and the sky looks a little heavier, many people start to feel a shift in their mood. You might notice you are more tired than usual, or you suddenly feel overwhelmed by things that were fine a month ago. Maybe you feel yourself pulling away from loved ones or sinking into habits that make you feel disconnected. Seasonal depression is common, but a lot of people have a hard time noticing it until they are already deep in it. And if you already live with stress, anxiety, relationship strain, or the emotional load of caring for others, the seasonal shift can feel like someone quietly added more weight to your shoulders.

I talk about this often with clients at Valid Love. They come in saying things like “I do not feel like myself right now,” or “Everything feels harder than it should be.” Many people do not realize that seasonal depression can affect nearly every part of life. It influences sleep, emotions, motivation, physical energy, appetite, intimacy, and even how connected you feel to your partner or yourself. The good news is that there are clear ways to support your mind and body during these months, and therapy can be an anchor when you feel unsteady.

Photo by Lindie Botes ✦ on Unsplash‍

How Seasonal Depression Affects Daily Life

Seasonal depression does not always arrive dramatically. Sometimes it shows up slowly, almost quietly, until you finally notice you are not functioning the way you normally would. You might find yourself hitting snooze repeatedly or feeling heavy from the moment you wake up. People often describe feeling like they are moving through wet sand. Everything takes more effort, and even basic routines feel slightly off.

You might feel less patient with the people you care about. You might feel more withdrawn or disconnected during conversations. Sometimes intimacy becomes harder. Not because you no longer care about your partner, but because your body is tired, your mind feels foggy, and your emotional energy is low. This is incredibly common, though people rarely talk about it openly.

Another frequent sign is losing interest in things that usually bring comfort or joy. Your favorite shows, hobbies, or social plans feel like obligations rather than something you look forward to. You might start declining invitations because the thought of getting ready feels exhausting. This can slowly create isolation, even if you did not intend for that to happen.

Food cravings are another signal. If you notice you want carbs, sugar, or heavy comfort meals more than usual, your body may be trying to regulate serotonin on its own. Again, this is normal, not a personal failure or a sign of poor discipline.

Seasonal depression affects people emotionally, physically, and relationally. When you understand it as a mind body process rather than a flaw in your character, it becomes easier to respond with care instead of self criticism.

Why Therapy Can Be So Helpful During Seasonal Shifts

Therapy gives you a space to understand what is happening beneath the surface. One of the biggest challenges with seasonal depression is that it tricks you into believing your tired, discouraged, or disconnected state is your new normal. You start thinking this is just who you are now. Therapy interrupts that pattern.

A therapist can help you identify the early signs of seasonal shifts. Many clients at Valid Love begin to notice their personal patterns after a few sessions. Some realize that every fall they start getting more irritable with partners. Others notice their anxiety spikes around sunset, or their libido shifts in ways that confuse them. Once you can see the pattern, you gain power over it instead of feeling overwhelmed by it.

Therapy also gives you tools. Not vague suggestions, but specific strategies that match your life, your schedule, your relationship needs, and your emotional baseline. A therapist helps you find interventions that you can realistically follow through on, not advice that sounds good on paper but falls apart when you get home and feel tired.

Therapy is also incredibly helpful for relationships during seasonal depression. When your energy drops, communication often drops with it. People become sensitive or withdrawn. Partners sometimes take this personally, which adds tension on top of everything else. Therapy helps you and your partner understand what is really happening and gives you both ways to stay connected even when you feel low.

Interventions You Can Start Using Right Now

There are several practical approaches you can try at home. These are strategies clients at Valid Love commonly use when the darker months roll in.

Light exposure
Getting a light therapy box and using it for ten to twenty minutes in the morning can support your body’s natural rhythm. It helps regulate your sleep cycle and mood. It is simple and often surprisingly effective.

Small movement goals
You do not need to commit to a full workout plan. Think tiny and doable. A slow walk around the block, stretching before bed, or five minutes of gentle yoga in the morning. Movement keeps your nervous system from collapsing into shutdown mode.

A predictable evening routine
Since darkness arrives earlier in the day, your body might feel ready to shut down before you want it to. A simple evening routine helps your brain feel anchored. This might be a warm drink, reading, a skincare routine, or quiet time without a screen.

Social check ins
Tell one or two people that this season tends to be harder for you. Plan small check ins. You do not need long hangouts. A phone call, a short walk, or even a shared meme can keep you from slipping into isolation.

Mind body support
Breathing exercises, guided relaxation, soothing music, or using a weighted blanket can help your nervous system settle. These tools help your body feel safe, which improves mood and reduces anxiety.

Relationship rituals
Small rituals can help you feel connected during low energy periods. This might be a long morning hug, a five minute check in at night, or sitting together with tea. Gentle touch without pressure keeps intimacy alive even when your libido is shifting.

Professional support
For many people, therapy or medication creates relief that they have not been able to find on their own. There is no shame in using tools that help your brain function the way it is meant to.

Why Valid Love Is a Supportive Place for Seasonal Depression

At Valid Love, we understand how mental health, intimacy, identity, and relationships all affect one another. Seasonal depression can feel lonely and disorienting, especially if you do not feel like yourself. You deserve a space where you can talk openly about your mood, your patterns, your relationships, and the parts of your life that feel tender.

If you are noticing early signs that the darker months are affecting you, or if this season is already weighing heavily on you, reaching out is a sign of strength. You do not have to push through this alone. You do not need to wait for spring to feel like yourself again. Therapy can help you find steadiness, clarity, and support even while the world outside feels dim.

If you are ready to feel grounded again, Valid Love is here for you.