It’s common for many neurodivergent folk who come to therapy to express some sort of dissatisfaction with how they move in the world. Many individuals express their lack of ability to “keep up” with all the tasks required of them every day, unable to start or plan out tasks enough to complete them. If you’re experiencing something like this, you’re not alone! People of all backgrounds can struggle with executive functioning, but it can be especially difficult for neurodivergent folks due to how our brains are structured.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functioning refers to the cognitive processes by which we engage with the world, allowing for us to “function” in our everyday lives. Executive functioning encompasses a lot of different mental skills that we use every day in regards to working memory, planning, setting goals, initiating and completing tasks, emotional regulation, and inhibitory control. A variety of factors can influence executive functioning and can be more or less difficult to maintain depending on an individual’s neurotype – or, whether they are neurotypical or neurodivergent (someone who has ADHD or autism, for example). Executive dysfunction, then, is when someone has difficulty engaging with these various skills.

To put it in simpler words, executive dysfunction can prevent us from getting things started, getting things done, remembering what to do and how to do it, and helping us process all of the thoughts and feelings that come with tasks that seem daunting. Many neurodivergent folks talk about having experiences where, despite wanting to “just get up and do the dishes” or a task of the like, it takes tremendous mental energy to plan, to get up, and to complete that.

Imagine this: Your desk has been pretty untidy for the past week and every day, the mess seems to grow. You’re laying in bed looking across the room at this desk, thinking, okay, I need to get up and tidy up. Simple, right? Nope!

The way neurodivergent brains will process all of this looks a little more like this: I need to get up. I can’t believe I let it get this bad! (Shame feelings, which make it harder to work through the initial getting-up!) First I should get all the trash off the desk and put any dirty dishes in the sink. Ugh okay, I’m getting up, walking to the desk; that’s the first step. Why is this so hard for me? (More shame and anxiety!) Oh, what about this picture I left out of my friend and I? (Distraction!) Back on task! Dishes are in my hand, then in the sink, I have to do these dishes. But I’m cleaning my desk… the dishes, yet another task I have to do… (I’m suddenly frozen, I feel overwhelmed!) Whatever, it doesn’t matter, this is so stressful. (I’m going to sit down and scroll Instagram for a minute, or maybe a whole hour. This isn’t because I’m lazy or bad, but because I got overwhelmed and need an escape from the stress.)

It may seem like an over-exaggeration, but this is generally what it feels like to be in a loop of executive dysfunction as a neurodivergent person.

Why does this happen?

Much of the difference between the brains of neurodivergent folks with executive function challenges and neurotypical people who experience less difficulty in this area comes down to the structure and functioning of the brain, as well as an individual’s lived experiences.

Like how everyone is different, so is our experience of executive function and dysfunction. A neurodivergent brain may find everyday tasks boring with a lack of reward, making the focus of attention more difficult. It may also cause difficulty in switching between tasks, adapting in stressful situations, and remembering the steps to completing a task. Someone in a depressed state may find it difficult to find the motivation or reasoning with keeping up with tasks, thinking, “why bother?” Someone with a traumatic brain injury might have sustained an injury to parts of the brain that govern working memory, inhibition, or other areas, and the individual may have similar experiences to the individual with ADHD but with different root causes.

When it comes to lived experiences, many neurodivergent individuals live their lives being told that they are doing things “wrong” somehow or that their executive dysfunction is a result of “laziness.” The reinforcement of the belief that neurodivergent people are just “not trying hard enough” or are lazy for their difficulties can create more anxiety around completing tasks, making the experience of taking care of oneself or completing tasks even more daunting than ever, adding to the stress of breaking out of the dysfunctional cycle. Not only that, but the laziness myth is plainly untrue! The mental barriers that executive dysfunction can cause in a neurodivergent brain can sap our energy and make it hard to break out of this frozen state of overwhelm when we think about how much we have to do, or what we have to do, or how to break down what we have to do into manageable steps.

How do I improve my executive functioning?

There are many ways you can improve your daily functioning, even as a neurodivergent person – the key is finding what works for you, and focusing on the strengths that you have to pull from.

Much of the issue of executive dysfunction can be boiled down to the cognitive barriers we face in getting started and continuing a task. Maybe you have ADHD, and your distractibility leads you to start five tasks in quick succession and get too overwhelmed to finish; maybe the build-up of household chores has become seemingly insurmountable and your thoughts become self-shaming or something along the lines of, “I’m never going to get this done,” causing feelings of dread. Executive dysfunction can be exacerbated by a myriad of things, such as trauma, feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and overwhelm. Solutions to executive functioning difficulties, however, always involve learning to have compassion for oneself, understanding how our brains work best, knowing we can do difficult things, and knowing when we have hit a limit.

Clients with executive functioning challenges are often struggling with how to manage their life in a neurodivergent-friendly manner for the first time, and it is important to remind ourselves that despite the difficulties we face, we also have an arsenal of strengths to pull from! Individuals with ADHD and autism may find tasks more manageable with body-doubling (doing tasks with another person there), finding ways to trigger hyperfocus (an absolute superpower that allows us to focus intensely on a task), or finding ways to make mundane tasks more fun (like gamifying your life).

In therapy, improving executive functioning may be a collaborative process with you and your therapist, working to find what works for you, what cognitive barriers you face, managing stress, and practicing mindfulness and emotional regulation skills. You may be invited to build skills slowly over time, examine your thinking around difficult tasks, and break down tasks into more manageable steps. You may explore the difficult feelings that come up when you are faced with anxiety-inducing tasks or when you’ve learned that chores have to suck. You may also learn distress tolerance skills and create ways that make chores feel more friendly to your individual sensory needs.

Therapy can be an invaluable tool for learning how to manage executive dysfunction and to make our everyday lives more manageable. At Valid Love, we understand how these issues may be impacting you, and we are here to help!

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